We just celebrated Christmas, the feast of the Incarnation, the celebration that our human longing and search for God comes to its climax in the birth of Jesus. And two things happened. First, in Jesus, we came to discover that God is both beyond us and completely close to us at the same time. God is no longer just Emmanuel, God with us, but God in us. Second, in Jesus, we came to discover that God’s very nature is love, and if God is now in me, then I too share in the nature of God.

The reading from Colossians today says, “Put on love… let the peace of Christ control your hearts… let the word of Christ dwell in you richly…”

In learning to share in God’s divine life of love, family is essential. That is why, on the Sunday after Christmas, we celebrate the feast of the Holy Family. The dogma of the Trinity reveals that God’s divine life of love is lived in communion between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. This makes the family the closest experience we can have of God’s divine love. It was therefore necessary for Jesus to be born into and grow up in a family, because it is in our families that we first receive love and learn how to give love. It is in family life that we learn who we are, discover our gifts and our talents, and find our mission in the world.

Ideally, every person would be born into a family where parents have themselves received love and wisdom from the generations before them and then pass that on to the next generation, a wisdom echoed in the Book of Sirach, where parents and children honor one another. Many of you grew up in homes where your parents provided that kind of environment. For others, what was passed on was what we now refer to as “generational trauma.” No family is perfect, and God does not need perfect families in order to be present within them.

We see this time and time again in the Bible. Scripture is very honest about the challenges of family life. The Book of Samuel, for example, tells us of Hannah and Elkanah and their struggles to live in harmony when a second wife enters the picture. They deal with jealousy, sorrow, and deep emotional pain. Genesis tells us of Abraham and Sarah struggling with infertility, and of Abraham having a child with Hagar, creating lasting divisions within the family. We also hear of Isaac and Rebekah, who have two sons, with each parent favoring one over the other, creating rivalry and deception. Jacob’s own family becomes even more complicated, marked by competing wives and resentment among brothers, eventually leading to Joseph being sold into slavery by his own family. Even King David’s household is fractured by betrayal, violence, and rebellion. Yet in every one of these families, God does not walk away. He remains present, faithful, and active, working not through perfect family situations, but through real families marked by weakness and struggle, slowly shaping them, and through them shaping salvation history itself.

The Gospels of Luke and Matthew give us stories of the family life of Jesus, and there we see that the Holy Family was not holy because they did not have any problems. Holiness is a reflection of how they faced them. We have been reading from the Gospel of Matthew about how this family struggled from the very beginning. When Mary became pregnant with Jesus, the first thing Joseph thought was that she had committed adultery. We do not know what that conversation was like, but we can imagine it. In the end, Joseph wanted to divorce Mary, and it took a special revelation to convince him that Mary was telling the truth. Today we heard how Joseph continued to struggle in providing a safe place to raise his family.

The Gospel of Luke gives us insight into Jesus as an adolescent, when he did not return home after three days and was found in the temple. It shows the frustration and confusion of two parents dealing with a son who is slowly becoming independent, slowly making his own choices, and they have to begin learning how to let go of control. Jesus, as an adolescent, has to discover his path in life, who he is, his unique mission. The Bible says he was obedient to his parents, but at the same time, he did the things he needed to do to explore who he was. He stayed in the temple without telling them, and his parents struggled to understand him and to support him.

Mark’s Gospel tells us how Jesus’ extended family, his relatives, struggled as rumors spread and his ministry intensified. Some people were praising him, others were criticizing him. This affected not only Jesus’ reputation, but that of the whole family. At one point, Mark chapter 3 tells us, “When his relatives heard this they set out to seize him, for they said, ‘He is out of his mind.’” I am sure there are some family members who think you are out of your mind, and we all have that one family member we think has lost it. Jesus enters into a family filled with challenges and pressures, both from outside and from within.

But what is important in all of these stories, what makes them holy, is that they never abandoned their spiritual life. They never stopped depending on God, no matter what happened. The message of the Bible is that our families must be rooted in faith, because faith is the one source of support that cannot be replaced by anything else.

When I do marriage preparation, I emphasize to couples that they have to learn how to pray together. It often seems like a foreign concept. We are so used to thinking of prayer as something personal that it can feel awkward or unnatural to pray together. But the Bible consistently places families in moments of communal prayer. Colossians says, “Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs…”

Family prayer is fruitful. It keeps us grounded in God’s Kingdom. It is where heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience become possible. Often people come to me seeking counseling because they are struggling in their family life. Someone will say, “I pray to have patience with my children, but I always end up yelling at them,” or “I pray for patience with my spouse, but we argue about everything.” When I ask whether this prayer is communal, the answer is usually no. Prayer does change the individual, it allows the Holy Spirit to orient our hearts toward love. But when only one person carries that desire, it is difficult. When the whole family prays together, something shifts. They begin working for one another, not against one another. Families are continually transformed and made holy.

I mentioned on Christmas Eve that sometimes things seem to be up to chance, like the family we are born into. We do not choose the members of our family, but we can choose to love them, even when we do not always feel like it. At any given time, one member of the family will need more support, and the others will be called to give it, even when choices are made that we do not understand or did not anticipate. This is especially difficult for parents, learning to let sons and daughters find their way. Yet parents are called to a lifelong vocation of prayer for their children at every stage of life.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church calls the home “the first school of Christian life and a school for human enrichment.” The family is holy not when it is perfect, but when it becomes a place where one learns endurance, the joy of work, fraternal love, generosity, forgiveness, and above all, divine worship and prayer.

Today we remember that the family is the most important element in God’s plan for his people. It is a day to remember that it does not matter how difficult our family life may be. If we remain close to God, we can overcome any difficulty. And it is a day to remember that you do not have to be a perfect family to be a Holy Family. You simply need confidence in God’s love, to put God at the center of your home, and to love unselfishly as Jesus has loved us.